There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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