Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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