I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
