i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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