chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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