yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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