You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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