every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
