first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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