How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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