I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
