u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
