Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
