He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
