if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
