It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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