I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
