i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
