He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
