yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
