It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
