road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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