she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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