Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
