Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
