he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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