Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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