idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
