im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
