Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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