You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
