Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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