you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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