So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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