the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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