Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
