Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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