I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
