a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize