3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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