Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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