Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
