Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
