i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
