went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
