They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
