Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
