I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
