and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize