At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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