oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
