We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
