so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just invented taco cereal.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
