They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
