Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
