you guys were way drunker than both of me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
