So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
