I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
