I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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