what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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