I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
