i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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