Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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