drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
