Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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