I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
