I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
