theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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