Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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