life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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