Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
