sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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