I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
