We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
